FINDING FULFILLMENT IN A WORLD OBSESSED WITH HAPPINESS
Should people strive to be happy? or Fulfilled? or Both? This was one of the topics that Colin and I decided to pen our thoughts on, a couple of months ago ! Since then, it has been a topic constantly discussed and debated upon. Here s a whatsapp conversation(doing our part in social distancing!) between Colin Mandich and I, where we chat about happiness and fulfillment.
Ashwathi Mohan: starting off with the most generic question, how has the COVID19 experience been for you ?
Colin Mandich: hahah! can you give me a focus area, that is so broad!
Ashwathi Mohan: Forsure, just in general, a brief thought of the whole pandemic situation. :)
Colin Mandich: okay! let me think.
Ashwathi Mohan: take your time ! :)
Colin Mandich: I have many thoughts but one that I have been reflecting about recently, is my concept of time and place. I was used to following the "Typical Day". Some its 9-5, others its 6 am-4 pm, hell maybe even 6am-9pm! But every day the clock restarts. Being locked in my room up until now, this concept of this begun to change. Its less about what day it is and more about what you have done or what you are going to do. Days/Nights have disappeared and its just progress and pauses. Its being 100% in your journey.
Some examples: I don't mentally have a bed time, just naps.
meals: concept of breakfast. It more about cook your food, eat it until its gone then cook the next meal. It 100% focus on the progression of one self forward, no matter how small of a challenge.
This is why i shouldn't be locked in a room! I only have one continuous day since about 5 days ago or so.
Ashwathi Mohan: haha, i love the concept of progress and pauses in place of day and night ! and couldn't agree more with everything else you just said . We are all used to the days that start with checklists and end with (hopefully!) everything being ticked off. When it comes down to looking back at your days now, at night, what bases do you use for evaluation? in other words, how fulfilling have your days been !
Colin Mandich: Its more quality small steps, that I find fulfilling, so would i say very happy ? I wouldn't really say so; its more boredom/distractions.
example: Netflix, that really doesn't' make me happy. Its more just a thing to do but i enjoy doing a workout/reading then using that time to relax. The repetitiveness of these small victories is making me feel good. Its like finding one hundred dollars in loonies throughout your day.
Some people want 100 $ bills and those are tough to find each day consistently, but trust me ! loonies are always out there!
hopefully that makes sense.
Ashwathi Mohan: Great analogy !!! So its trusting and enjoying the process, having faith in the fact that we would eventually reach the desired outcome , rather than just looking out for the outcome and missing out on every tiny step that would take you there. Would you agree?
Colin Mandich: Exactly! but my focus is more on completing the process, than enjoying it, I would say. why? because of football. Our football season was amazing! The most fun i have ever had and maybe ever will. But to say i enjoyed everyday would be a bold lie. Not saying i didn't enjoy it, but the reason why i went in with a class of 50 or so recruits to under 10 in my last year, is because I completed everyday mentally and didn't focus on my enjoyment. A football goal is extremely Grueling, you play when your tired, hurt, rain,snow, sad, happy, you are playing no matter what is going on in your life. You learn that if your goal is to enjoy what you do you will never be consistent in your action. Because its an unrealistic picture to paint. But if you aim to complete everyday because it adds up to something piece by piece, then you can become consistent in your action.
Ashwathi Mohan: ok . so you say that as long as you are focused on the enjoying what you do, you lose focus on the main purpose of your goal . so for all those who seek enjoyment and happiness in everyday lives, is it impossible to achieve your goal ?
Colin Mandich: I am not saying impossible, but i would say you are making it more difficult for yourself.
Ashwathi Mohan: Football forsure has made develop a thick skin and a 'ready for anything' mentality, but what about those who don't have any experience like that ?
Colin Mandich: Don't get me wrong, anything can happen. Someone could be happy everyday, but when it comes to life, its about focusing in, instead of out. Me Colin Mandich, cannot be happy everyday, maybe i'm an odd case. But the reason why I have gotten to where I am, is because a long time ago I saw the value of fulfilling the day, not being happy each day.
Colin Mandich: Every life is faced with a struggle of their own, and we tend to try and compare these to others we see. Comparing your life to someone else is the first step in the wrong direction. This spawns resentment, jealousy, and so many other negative emotions. Comparing is the wrong mentality, I use appreciating. If you can appreciate something you can learn to see the value in it and this relationship will spawn more positive emotions. Why some say they do not have thick skin? The answer is simple. You compare your negatives to someone else, and hold greater value over theirs. We convince ourselves that what we went through isn't as bad. Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying everything is equal. There are different levels but at the end of the day, if you re focused on the level of the negative, you missed the point/lesson of the negative. Any lesson can be learned from any level of negative. Understanding this is crucial. When you understand your negatives, they become a powerful lesson and you can now relate that to another part and connect. This cannot be faked. If you don't understand, the other person will know.
Colin Mandich: It not about winning or losing in having thick skin, if you do this, you compare. It is about learning the lessons and staying in the game of life. If you do thi,s you will appreciate your skin and make it stronger regardless of thickness. You have to be 100% into you!
Ashwathi Mohan: The last sentence where you talk about the value of fulfilling the day got me thinking. I thought about how i feel at the end of my days. Do i feel fulfilled or happy? I would say that there are days that can be fulfilled but not necessarily happy. The fulfillment forsure feels better than happiness. Happiness, i feel is a short lived emotion, more on the lines of instant gratification. Fulfillment on the other hand is more permanent and gives you a sense of accomplishment. The path to fulfillment might not always be easy, but when you get to the finish line it feels great. What is the difference according to you between happiness and fulfillment?
Colin Mandich: Can i use an analogy for you? lol !
Ashwathi Mohan: go ahead ! :) you re really good analogies, so why not !
Colin Mandich: Okay! Imagine putting your kids to bed and then they woke up in a frenzy at 1 am and you have been only sleeping for a couple hours, You're tired from a long day etc.. You don't do things like this because you want to, you have no choice you must complete the goal. You finally get them back to bed 2 hours later and you finally try to get some sleep. That feeling there is important to understand. Because That feeling is what I strive for, and to me I cant call it happiness. I use the term fulfillment but to be honest its just the closest thing I can find.
Ashwathi Mohan: That is 100 % fulfillment !
Colin Mandich: Awesome!
Colin Mandich: When that is your goal everyday, consistency is much more attainable, you get happiness along the way, but its more a part of the journey, not the final destination. The end goal of any person is huge, we were built to dream. Any person who has accomplished a dream will say that is was not an extremely tough journey but in the end they will love and remember that journey more than the dream itself. For example the ring that I own from my football championship is amazing, worth a lot of money but the season is what I remember and cherish the most !
Ashwathi Mohan: So setting small goals everyday, working towards fulfilling them, all while having the dream in the back of the head. Not to really set our focus on being happy but rather on getting to those milestones in our journey .
Colin Mandich: Yes. Just like every painting is made up of thousands of individual strokes.
Colin Mandich: Can you complete it? I don't know painting like you do, but can you mentally see how a painting broken down works just like life, just like goals. Life is complicated and so is a painting. You will find many connections.
Ashwathi Mohan: Definitely . The way i look at it is like Pointillism . Pointillism is a painting technique just using dots. no strokes. just dots of different colours and shades to make the whole picture. Is it simple?, yes. But is it easy?, definitely not. Every single dot is important. Even missing out on a few dots wouldn't complete the picture. I would relate the dots to mini goals all along the journey each of them their own colour , shape and size but as important as every other dot to complete the whole painting of life ! I hope this sums up what you were trying to say!
Colin Mandich: Amazing! I think pointillism is a great analogy.
Ashwathi Mohan: One last question before we wrap this up :) what would you suggest everyone focuses on during this pandemic? Afcourse it is a completely new situation for all, but you seem to be handling it well .
Colin Mandich: Focus on anything but the pandemic, be diligent with following the given instructions but be into yourself. I don't mean have a ego, I mean have a hobby, a goal, a book, write, workout, reach out to a friend, etc..
Colin Mandich: Set a goal 30 days from now, and then have small goals each day, but personalize it.
For some, this could be mental focusing like meditating, or physical like exercise. These two areas can be developed everyday, so my goal is to do so. Keep it simple. One or the Other or both!
Build yourself and trust me, once this pandemic is lifted, you will be ready for life.
Colin Mandich: In football we call it "Jumping the snap", this is when a player tries to time up when the ball is going to be snapped. This leads to a lot of penalties and is never good for the team. The player who's ready for the snap, can execute and make the play. Don't try and jump the snap, be ready for it then make the play.
Ashwathi Mohan: love this !!! Once again, great analogy.
Ashwathi Mohan: this was awesome !! thank you :)
Colin Mandich: Anytime! i had a lot of fun
Colin Mandich is a hard working entrepreneur, who owns and manages a Marketing Firm specializing in direct marketing. Currently being in his first year in business, He attributes his work ethic to his history in sports. In his free time he enjoys playing football, basketball and going to the gym. He's great at finding the best reading spots and can be spotted somewhere amidst the woods, reading books!
Book Recommendations : Extreme Ownership, Atomic Habits, Infinite Game, Start with why, Good to Great.
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